Being Mrs, Cancer

I miss my ear..

I miss my ear. My left ear. Don’t get me wrong I still physically have it, I just can’t feel it. Since my operation it’s totally numb, and I won’t ever feel it again. It’s very strange, because I never walked around appreciating how much I had it, until it was gone. Its on me I’m sure, I just don’t feel it. It’s difficult to appreciate an ear. It’s just there. 

the lovely Nessie

18 years ago today, my Granny was just there.. until suddenly she wasn’t. She died quickly and cruelly and she was only 69. I miss her. I certainly didn’t appreciate her as much as I could have, or ask her all the things I wanted to, or learn all I wanted from her. I’m not sure I ever told her how great she was. I wish she was here now, I wish she could have seen how we all turned out, I wish I could have known her as an adult. Some of us were so little when she died, she missed out on so much. When she found out she had cancer, I’m told she said “all those wee children, I’m not going to see them grow up”. When I was diagnosed, that was my first thought – my Theo, I’m not going to see him grow up. 


Unlike my little ear, which is physically there but I cannot feel, my little Granny is not physically here, but I can certainly feel her. She appears in the oddest of places.. when one of her funny songs comes out while I sing to Theo, when I find it impossible to find grown up shoes for my size 3 feet (thanks Granny), even when I know exactly the right amount of flour to put in my pancake batter… there she is. Every time I wear a flouncy skirt I get the urge to do her ‘tra-la tra-la-la’ dance… even now.

So if you’ve got a Granny give her a big squeeze (I still have my Granny V, but she’s a post all of her own) and remember the old saying – just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Kylee x

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